Friday, October 8, 2021

Spartathlon 2021 – Heartbreak at mile 41


Failure is hard.  I mean… it’s easy to do, but hard to digest.  It is even harder when you are not expecting it.

I certainly went into this race knowing that failure was a possibility.  I am not a fast runner.  My strength lies in going out slow and not slowing down as much as others.  Almost without exception, every race I’ve ever run, I’ve started out DFL.  So it goes without saying that a 153 mile race with aggressive early cut-offs every aid station (2-4 miles apart) with marathon cut-off at 4:45 and 50 mile cut-off at 9:30 will not be a recipe for a successful race for me. 

I at least had the knowledge that I COULD do it… because I previously had.  I did this race 2 years ago and was even more worried then than now about the early cutoffs.  However, somewhere, that day, I found speed I didn’t know I had, breezing through the marathon point at 4:11, and the 50 mile point at about 8:42.  I paid a cost, however, getting very nauseated and faint between miles 50 and 62.  I had been afraid at that point I wouldn’t be able to finish.  Because of that experience, I came into this race with a more conservative strategy, aiming to hit marathon with only 20 or so minutes to spare, and hoping to get to 50 at around 9 hours 15 or 20 minutes.

I’d also like to add that I came into the race strong and well rested, with weeks of solid hill practice behind me, good sleep, and a fast marathon for speedwork about 4 weeks out.  I was, in short, cautious, but confident.

I had a great crew.  Dave Oakley, who had previously crewed me at 3DATF during the horrific lean experience was my lead, and Rachel Belmont, a young fast 24 hour runner fresh off of a volcano stage race adventure, was his partner.  I trusted them implicitly and was happy to have them there.

My biggest concern, really, going into the race, was how my gut would behave.  I’ve had some issues over the past couple of years with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, resulting in emergency trips to the bushes.  As the first 15 miles or so of the race was essentially through the city, I was terrified of needing a bathroom and not having one available.  I was also worried about losing the precious minutes, should I need to duck off the course.  I gambled, and decided to take an Immodium 30 minutes prior to the start of the race, with the thought that at least it might get me to 50 miles, and after that, I’d have more leeway because the cut-offs got more generous.

The run started off uneventfully.  I was far less nervous than the last time, so was able to enjoy running from the Acropolis down to the streets of Athens.  I was pretty thrilled with how bouncy my legs felt and the ease of running.  I hit the first aid station without any issue with time thanks to the downhill start. 

I was far less thrilled with miles 3 through 5, which had far more uphill than I remembered, forcing me out of my “easy” zone and into some huffing and puffing to maintain pace.

To just clarify the degree of my concern about cut-offs, on my normal “regular pace” 26 mile training run, generally my first mile is probably an 11:30, the second might also be, and it is probably not until mile 6 or 7 that I start dipping into the 10’s.  Although I can finish with an average pace of 10:30-10:40 comfortably, that is all after warming up for 15 miles and negative splitting.  For this race, I had to pretty much aim for an average 10 minute mile pace for the first 15 miles, and then keep it to 10:30 til marathon, and then to 11 for 50 miles.  Very outside my comfort zone.

Still – I hit 5 with no issues and the course seemed to level off and even throw in some downhill.  At one point I caught up with Steve Troxel, who I believe had a similar pace plan as me, and we talked about our happiness with our current pacing.

I hit 15 miles with a 10 minute mile pace average, which really made me relieved.  I was moderately alone on the course with runners in sight in front of me and behind, but none right in my zone.  It was lonelier than my last Spartathlon but allowed me to really run my own race without feeling pulled. 

I enjoyed the scenery immensely this time – the coast was stunningly beautiful and blue off to the left, and there were occasional ruins. 



Somewhat prior to marathon, I started feeling uncomfortable in a few ways.  First, it was getting hot.  Despite the forecast of cooler than usual ambient temperatures, it felt pretty warm and dry, as there was not a cloud in the sky and the sun was brutal.  Secondly, I was getting concerned about my gut.  I began to think that the Immodium had been a bad idea.  I was starting to experience a dull ache in my belly as well as feeling uncomfortably bloated.  I’d already pulled off into the bushes once, despite the fact that the Immodium was supposed to prevent that.  Instead of preventing, it was just making things difficult. 

With the full sun overhead, cooling became an issue.  Any aid station that had ice, I grabbed some and stuffed my hat and bra.  I needed to fill my ice bandana, which I had worn proactively around my neck, but didn’t want to take the time, so I texted my crew to have it ready for me at the first point they could meet me.

When my watch said 26.2, the marathon aid station was nowhere to be found.  26.3.  26.4.  26.5.  26.6.  26.7.  It finally showed up and I clocked the distance at about 26.88.  This was .68 miles later than I was expecting.  Which, at a 10:45 minute pace, translates into over 7 minutes.   So, instead of my goal time of 4:25-4:30, I was looking at 4:36 with only 9 minutes of cut-off.  This.  Was.  Bad.

I bolted out of the station and caught up with Steve, who confirmed my distance (he’d actually clocked it at 27 miles) but who reassured me that based on his watch we were on pace.  And yes – according to the pace per mile I’d been running, we were… but not according to the mileage.  What neither of us knew at that point was that a detour had been added to the race early on, but that none of the cut-off times had been changed.

This immediately changed my mental game from confidence to something close to panic.  I had really been counting on a 15-20 minute buffer, so to only have it down to 9 was terrifying and disheartening.  I texted my crew to have my ice bandana ready, as well as some Gas-x and a popsicle.  They were a well oiled machine as I rolled in and out, and the cooling immediately helped.

Until the ice bandana ice was melted and the fabric dried, and I started to get hot.  And my miles slowed down.  Although I felt like I was keeping the same pace, my watch was showing me miles in the 11’s, and one uphill mile in the 12’s. 

More panic.

Shortly past one aid station I saw Will Thomas who said “What the hell was up at that aid station?  I just got through with 30 seconds to spare!”  He sprinted ahead of me and started making up time, and got far enough ahead that I no longer saw him.

At aid station 17, I made the cut-off with 2 minutes to spare.

2 minutes.  I still had over 12 miles to go to get to 50, where things would ease up.

There was a little wall right past the aid station, where I sat down in despair.  I wasn’t going to make it.

I got up again.  If I wasn’t going to make it, I was at least damn well going to try to get to the next aid station.  I started moving again and called Dave.  “I’m not going to make the cutoff”.

He reassured me that I had plenty of time to make it to 50.

I told him it wasn’t 50 I was worried about – it was the next aid station.  He hadn’t been aware that EVERY aid station had a cut-off.  He reassured me, and I started moving.  But, with despair in my heart, I was not sprinting.  I didn’t have sprint in me.  Besides of which, the gut acted up and I needed another stop.  It was over and I knew it was over and I was just mad and sad with just a little bit of relief (I hate that) that I could stop being uncomfortable soon because that bus was waiting for me.

On our way to CP 18, I saw Steve, walking.  I said “we’re not going to make it”, and I walked with him a little bit.  He was cursing and horribly sad.  He had started cramping up and it blew that section for him.  I started jogging again, but there was zero power and zero spirit in it.  I hit aid station 18 just 3 minutes past cut-off, where they told me “you can’t go on.”

Yeah.  I know.

They asked for my bib, my chip, my GPS locater.  I handed them all over.  There was a little cadre of us – 5 of us missed the cutoff at CP18.  We were listless and angry and a couple of the runners were shocked.  They appeared to not have the foreknowledge I had. 

We headed for the bus and took our seats.

The bus.  Let me tell you what is NOT on the Bus Of Shame.  There is no water or food for sad and hurting runners who have been running for 41 miles.  There are no babywipes or towels or anything to make you feel better about the shitty situation in which you find yourself.  There are just other sad runners, staring out the window with dazed looks on their faces.


A view from the bus


We drove on to the next aid station to wait for the next crew of DNFs, where some of us got off the bus to scrounge for food and water.  I am profoundly grateful that I had crew, so I could text them to meet us at 50 miles so we could get off the fucking bus and at least get some sympathy, love, and dry clothing.

Steve and I met Dave and Rachel at 50 and had a sad reunion of sorts.  We decided to hang out there and wait for the American runners who still hadn’t passed through yet….  Nathan, Tom and Will, I believe.  We knew Will was chasing cut-offs and we knew how hot it was, so we had ice ready for him and some cheery words.  And we decided then and there that we would stay on the course to support our team, despite our personal defeat.

We did a Ragnar Relay shower, with baby wipes and dry clothes, and got ourselves some food.  We stopped at a couple more crew points, and then made a side trip to Sparta to check into our hotel and shower.  Coming back from Sparta it was early morning and we had the privilege of seeing the runners in the lead, and took a side trek to say hi to Bob Hearn before meeting up with Will at mountain base. 

I have to say, having not finished my own race, it was pretty cool to see the race from the point of crew.  We got to spend time with other crew members  - Phil McCarthy, Jessica Marti, and M’lee, as well as Otto’s crew Jurgen and Elaine, and also see the course by car.  As crew, I found myself just in awe of the runners who were still out there, thinking to myself “how can they be moving like that in this heat?”. 

Will and Tom came into the last aid station with 20 minutes to spare.  From this point they only had 10K to the end, and plenty of time to do it as long as they kept moving.  We headed to the finish line.

Driving into Sparta hurt like hell.  I recognized all of the places I had been running 2 years prior.  I cried.  We parked and headed to the finish to wait for our guys.  I cried some more.  Being at that finish line, with the runners’ names being shouted as they ran in, and the majestic music playing, and not running it in….  that was hard. 

We checked the tracker and saw that Will and Tom were getting close.  We had flags ready for them, and were ready to video their finish.  They were running together and I met Will to give him his flag.  I asked if he’d like company running in to the finish, as at this one point runners are allowed to have their support run with them.  I am so incredibly and humbly grateful that he said yes.

So, I got to run in with this fabulous runner who ran the race with grit and determination, getting stronger along the way after a 30 second brush with possible DNF.  Will finished his race with 36 minutes to spare – an enormous amount of time to gain back considering how close he’d been at the early cutoffs.

What a gift, for me to be there to watch that.

I love this sport.  As much as it can fucking hurt, I love this sport.  I love the people.  I love that people put themselves out there to accomplish the impossible. 

Will Thomas at the finish


Me, and my crew Rachel and Dave





Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Popsicles and Love - TGNY 100 Redux





I love this race.  I knew it before I ever ran it, when I first read Fred Murolo’s race report several years ago now on the Ultralist.  It was confirmed 2 years ago when I ran the race with training buddy Larry Huffman and within the first couple of miles, my heart swelled like a balloon when we were fresh out of Central Park, exploring the upper west side, and were presented by a breathtaking sunrise City view.

Love it.

I knew I wanted to come back (ideally as many times as possible) before I even finished my first TGNY, and indeed I chose this race over running at the Dome because these days choosing joy over, well, just about anything else, seems like a good bet after the year we’ve all had.

The thing about the 2021 race that was going to be extra special, however, was that I would be running with my good friend Katie.  I had first described Katie in the short story “Runner Girl” in my book.  I described her as a light in the darkness, as the first thing I ever noticed about her was her headlamp in the early morning dark.  At the time we met, she by and large was not an ultra distance runner.  Not long after our meeting, she took her initial forays into ultra with a self supported 50K run and then a 60K race in Central park.  She did her first 12 hour with me at Ethan Allen, around a track on a hot hot night in Vermont.  She killed it. 

Back when I told her she would definitely do 100 at some point she said “no way” – and particularly no way to NY because Katie is not fond of heat and NY in June can be hot hot hot.

She changed her mind.

(yay :) )

A few months ago when it started looking good for the in person race to happen, there were a few slots available and Phil gave them out by lottery.  I was already in the race due to my 2020 COVID deferral, so when she got in the lottery we know we would be running together.

Bliss.

I’d moved out the West Coast in the fall of 2019, and had only seen Katie once in person since I moved, during an impromptu trip east earlier this year after I and my folks were fully vaccinated.  The opportunity to not only show her my all time favorite race but to spend 24 plus hours catching up was joy.

COVID year was rough on racing.  I’d participated in a bunch of virtual races early on, and had several opportunities to run hundreds just for joy with my friends Jess and Jill before I left Seattle.  However, last fall, just after my challenged 3 Days at the Fair 6 day run, I moved to California.  Second lockdown happened, accompanied by move, job change and a divorce.  It was a lot, in a short period of time, and I subsequently took a running nose dive, struggling for a few months with nagging and persistent injuries and low motivation.  I’d recently started to recover both physically and emotionally, scoring a 100 mile female win at the Silver Moon 3 weeks prior.  I’ve been feeling better physically, by running less and sleeping more, and felt I was coming into this race poised for joy.

I took the red eye from Santa Rosa Thursday evening.  Although I had an annoying delay in Santa Rosa I pretty much arrived at JFK at the expected time 7am on Friday morning.  Alas… I got precious little sleep on the plane and arrived exhausted.  I made my way by AirTrain and subway from JFK airport to our hotel in Times Square.  Navigating my way through the city, I felt a thrill at being back.  I had been born and raised in Westchester County, and worked and lived in the city in my early 20’s.  I adore New York which is one of the reasons I like this race so much.  I love its spirit, its grit, its humanity, its vastness.  I love the grandeur and the filth; the bridges and the tunnels, and the sense that truly, this place never sleeps.  I love my history with this place.  So it was with a happy heart that I arrived at my subway stop and made my way to the hotel.  I had requested an early check in and was thrilled that at 8:15am they had a room ready for me.  I got some breakfast and took about an hour long nap.  I probably should have slept for longer, but I was expected Katie to arrive from Virginia by bus sometime shortly after noon, and besides – I cannot travel without visiting at least one museum.  This time it was MOMA.  Amazingly, I had never been there.  It was fabulous. 


After I left MOMA I wandered to Central Park and was struck by the beauty of the place.  Somehow, when I lived in New York, I was way to busy partying to ever wander through parks.  This place was lovely.  I got a gyro on rice and started walking through the park taking pictures.  The last update from Katie had her in around 2:30, but then I got a text updating it to 1:50 so I had to book to get to the hotel to meet her.

We had fun exploring for the next few hours, although my exhaustion was making itself felt in my feet.  Had dinner with Katie’s friend Hillary, who was going to be meeting us at one of the aid stations and pacing for a little ways, and also spent some time with Rachel Belmont and Denise Sauriol.






Sleep was good; alarm went off at 4 and I awoke feeling relatively fully rested.  Downed a can of Starbucks iced espresso, dressed in race clothes (feeling pretty silly in my Sahara Hat at 4:30am in the dark) and headed to the start, which is always a grand reunion. 

Phil had arranged a wave start, and Katie and I were at 5:22 – almost the last wave.  I guess the good thing about that is not having to go through that mass start feeling where everyone books out like a bat out of hell and there I am poking along at the back of the pack.  This way it was just she and I, and no pressure. Which is just how I like it.

The first few hours were bliss.  Although the day was supposed to get hot (predicted 90), right now it was coolish and overcast, though dreadfully humid.  We were both sweating within 15 minutes of the start.  My legs felt fabulously bouncy – I’ve been using new inserts and I love the energy they give my legs.  That plus the rest made the first 50K fly by. 

The course had changed a bit from the last time I ran this race, but I’m geographically challenged enough so I didn’t have a really good sense of exactly what the changes were, besides not running the Orchard Beach out and back, where I’d seen the old Italian men chatting and smoking 2 years ago.  There were more trails, I think.  Good because of shade and soft footing… bad because of roots and bugs.

The sun came out probably around 10am, and, well, then the fun really began.

Probably because of the humidity I was already getting warm, and once the sun came out, the baking commenced.  Nothing appealed at the 30 mile aid station, but there was a convenience store down the road a piece and I began what was to become a theme for the race.  I went in and bought 1 Froze Fruit strawberry popsicle for Katie and 1 for me.  Katie didn’t want hers.  I had no problem with that.

The popsicles gave me about 380 calories plus had a cooling and hydrating effect so I gained some new life.  We continued on, crossing the Triboro bridge somewhere in the early 30’s. 

Can I just say… I love that bridge.  The views are spectacular, and there is just something incredible about crossing from one borough to another on a mammoth beautiful bridge.  Plus… the second half is all downhill.

There was an aid station shortly after the descent into Queens, but alas their popsicles were… juice.  No cooling to be had there, though we did avail ourselves of ice.  We were due to meet Hillary at mile 41, but that was 5 scorching miles in front of us.

Those miles were the rough part.  By now it was life suckingly hot and humid, and everything felt slow and heavy, with a little dizzy thrown in.  All we could do was keep moving – but at this point I felt like my lack of energy was holding us back.  The last mile to the aid station seemed impossibly long.  I knew Hillary was planning to have popsicles and that knowledge was all that was moving me forward.

We finally made it and she did have popsicles, but they were half melted.  They were still cold and slushy though, so I sucked down one, greedily gulping the sticky cold sweetness and needed another one.  I was so hot.  I looked for a 3rd, but someone had thrown them away because they were mostly melted.  I saw a container of Watermelon juice, so I had 4 glasses of that over ice. 

The hydration and core temp issue was solved, but now I had a belly full of liquid and I was a little worried about how that was going to play out once we started moving.  Bathroom issues were going to very possibly become an issue.

That was our longest aid station stop – we were probably there about 10-11 minutes, so the mile clocked out at 25.  I wasn’t thrilled with that, but the cooling was necessary.  Fortunately the sun had passed it’s zenith, so we knew that we only had a couple more really hot hours to get through.

Katie did great taking all the right steps to keep herself cool.  I had no doubts about her running and endurance ability to do this thing... only her ability to handle the heat, so the closer we got to evening, the closer I felt we were to a confident finish.  Blessedly, some clouds started to appear mid afternoon and it appeared that the worst of the heat was over.

For me, running the race for the second time, there was a lot of nostalgia… remembering conversations and footfalls from the last race.  This was particularly true between miles 50 and 100K. 

One of my favorite places in the race is Flushing Meadows Corona Park.  It is packed with people, sights, smells, and street vendors.  I get 2 more popsicles, bringing my total up to 6 for the race.  All too soon, it is over.  We are back in neighborhoods for a bit, then on shaded trails.

100K is always a pretty special milestone.  Here is no exception.  It serves as a finish line for the racers who are running the 100K distance, and always has more volunteers than other aid stations – as well as drop bags.  I didn’t really need anything besides my headlamp.  Katie took the time to change into dry clothes.  She was able to eat solid food.  I still was not.  I was sad that nothing there appealed.  I downed some raspberry ginger ale over ice, and as soon as Katie was ready, we soldiered on.

Although I love the whole course, I really really enjoy the part from 100K to the finish.  There is something about getting to evening, running through the Queens neighborhoods.  It feels like you are getting a glimpse into lots of peoples lives, running all through this city.  At about the 70 mile mark, we hit the Rockaways.  This is where things really get good.  First, well, we are at 70 MILES!!  Always a landmark.  Also, we are running along a paved boardwalk next to the beach.  To the left of us is a fence, and beyond that are whitecaps of the waves breaking in the dark.  The beach is more deserted this year than last, so we can just enjoy the ocean breeze and the sound of the surf.  We run a number of miles with Matt, who meets a pacer later on and leaves us in the dust to finish sub-24!  

We exit the beach and run through more neighborhoods interspersed with aid stations.  80 mile aid… 85 mile aid…  last year at 85 miles there was a red carpet, and cannoli and Dunkin Donuts coffee.   Somewhere between, I think, 70 and 80, Katie finally got her Monster energy drink.  This gave her a much needed boost, and she perked up considerably.  Her journey reminded me so much of my first 100 – that realization, somewhere around 40 miles that even though you have traveled what seems like an impossible distance, you have so much more in front of you.  40 to 80 can be spirit sucking miles.  By 80, I think she knew she had this thing. 

Our conversation and our steps got more animated, and we walked and trotted along, ticking off the miles.  These late evening early morning miles were strong and joyful despite our sore feet, heavy legs and significant chafing and bruising from our packs.  We could see the Verrazano bridge off in the distance and were starting to make some predictions about finish time.

Brooklyn is special to me too, because I lived there for a few years out of college.  My last report describes the ghosts of my past.  They didn’t whisper as loudly this time around, but I still remembered those street names where I had walked or lived…  Dean Street…  Carroll Street… Court Street…  heading into Borough Hall and the 95 mile aid station.  Last time I did my dancing at the Coney Island Boardwalk.  This time it was with the 95 mile volunteers.  We boogied down while Katie made use of some bushes as there were no potties available.

And just like that, there were 5 miles to go.

There is nothing…. nothing in the world… like crossing the Brooklyn Bridge at dawn by foot.   

As we landed ourselves back in Manhattan, we had 3 miles to go.  Or would have, had we not somehow ended up wandering down 5th Ave instead of Broadway, necessitating a cross-town navigation correction that probably added on a couple more tenths of a mile.  Crap. 

Get ourselves over to Broadway, 8 uptown blocks to go, 7, 6…..  we see them.  We see the finish line volunteers waving and cheering.  They are beyond reach, due to a pesky red light.  We stand there impatient, until we get the green and head in to the finish. 

We are finishers 18 and 19 – and, we find out later, tied for 3rd woman.   


It was so very special being part of Katie's first 100, in a race that means so much to me.  After an impossibly long dismal year, the sun is finally shining again.  And the future is bright.

Thank you, Phil, for putting your heart and soul into this perfect race.  Thank you to the volunteers who go out of your way to make each and every aid station an oasis.  Thank you to the racers who keep each other moving and joyful.